the colours of my life

Salam I know i should be studying, but this headache is killin me. Duhh~ Tido pun tak membantu. The perks of being a medical student, you start to diagnose yourself. Orang India kat luar tengah memekak, baru aku tau muzik diorang lebih kurang sama je dengan orang Arab tapi nasib jarak ko jauh skit. Tinggal lagi sejam...2014! and next month I'll be 22! (see, I give you a hint) Nina tanya, 'Apa azam awak?' Jawapannya: Nak bina abdomen muscle. Ok ok, aku tau aku kurus kering, kecik melidi call it whatever you want. Tapi serious, sejak aku datang India. Sejak hostel aku ade lif, naik kelas tingkat 3 pun naik lif, jarak hostel ke kelas pun tak sampai 100 m. Jadi stamina pun jadi lembik. Dulu gua naik turun rumah tingkat 6 takde hal der, sekarang naik kelas guna tangga ke tingkat 3 pun dah semput. Ditambah pulak hidup takde duty memasak, bersihkan bilik air, mop bilik (thanks to moshi!) Jadi dengan adanya gym di tingkat 2, track depan hostel. Amin~ fuh! fuh! but th...

Disclaimer : penulis akan meraban menulis tak tentu hala / tujuan dan mungkin jugak takde makna sambil pekak kan telinga dengan lagu 'At The Beginning - Anastasia movie' p/s: to Tasneem, not this post ya~ Ni post pertama tulis kat Belgaum, India. Ulang suara, Belgaum, bukan Belgium. Satu je yang aku fed up pasal India ni. security dia ya Allah~ sampai rasa annoyed! Aku nak buat simcard je pun. Ni sampai nak dekat sebulan aku takde nombor lagi, paham tak?!!! sebulan! Kalau bukan sebab Nina yang push aku dari belakang, memang aku dah give up dah. Yang best nyer pasal tempat ni, dia direka khas untuk ko concentrate study, makan tido, main (bersukan la, kalau ko rajin pergi la gym ke track ke). Duty sapu sampah, bersihkan bilik air tu semua tak payah, ko panggil je Moshi, nanti dia datang dengan partner dia. Cuma bau India tu, ya Rabbi... tolong la pakai Ajax Fabuloso. Kalau ko nak lagi advance pun boleh, suruh basuh kain, iron baju, basuh pinggan cawan blabla..bagi la upah ...

Salam Kenapa tajuk blog nama penuh minah ni, sebab senang kalau ade orang Google, jumpa terus. LOL! Boo~ 27 Mei 1992, Lahirlah seorang taiko  puteri yang bernama Tasneem 'Aini bt Ahmad Rushdan. Kalau dia terdengar surah Mutaffifin je, tak sabar nak tunggu ayat 27 sebab ada nama dia. This lady eh, kalau nak describe ambik masa, banyak sangat ayat adjective yang boleh guna. Gila-gila, Kadang-kadang memang gila, Obses dengan masak, Kalau amik gambar, tak boleh nak buat muka normal, Kasar, Pakai skirt bukan main ayu, tapi jalan tetap macam wrestler. Energetic But, only the close ones know the other side of her. the one who loves reading poetry and write poetry sometimes rhythm she always appreciate people surrounding her sometimes she could be so sentimental. Sometimes, I'm afraid she might not see me as someone who really appreciate her good deeds because I just don't know how to express feelings. verbal - you wish! action - naah~ i'm not a ch...

Aku tak nak makan tak nak minum, tak nak keluar bilik, aku cuma nak tidur, tidur, tidur. covering myself under a blanket, it feels like someone is comforting me, dah bangun tidur pun, tidur semula. aku tak tau beza siang / malam aku tak ingat apa yang aku makan sebelum ni. aku baru tau harini 13hb setiap kali aku berjalan ke bilik air, dunia berpusing macam gasing. aku dah tak practise piano, kelas piano dengan Mrs Tan aku cancel. aku dah tak melukis, aku dah tak membaca, nasib baik badan aku ikut cakap aku, study untuk practical & oral. itupun terpaksa. tau macam mana? terseksa. dizzy, dizzy, dizzy. uruskan diri pun aku malas, Ayah aku bawak keluar makan tadi, Ibu aku masuk bilik 2 kali baru aku nak keluar rumah, Nak habiskan 1 pinggan mee pun seksa, Apa yang aku rasa sekarang, cuma nak muntahkan semula. Semua makanan fav, semua dah tak layan. I don't know why I'm writing this, I know nothing, and feel nothing. 

............perempuan~                           Suka tengok ibu  orang pakai highheel, sesuai la nampak feminine. Tapi untuk aku orang yang tak reti duduk diam, dan bak kata kayla 'jalan macam kilat', memang tak aaaaa. haih~ these shoes need me!!! Love. Love. masalahnya, tadi aku nak bukak Dropbox, apehal aku tengok kasut & beg?!

Random. Random. Random. Pembuka cerita biar random. Walaupun sebenarnya taknak kasi tido, dah terlajak bedtime, kalau tido sekarang subuh dinosour nanti. What i did just now~ drawing. drawing. drawing. Taknak set up gambar entra-large, nanti nampak jelas sangat bahagian yang kasar. I don't have specific materials for drawing though, ok now you can judge me. Biasanya aku akan melukis: 1) pada waktu malam 2) bila emosi terganggu. Terganggu disebabkan oleh drama Egypt-Malaysia. Topik yang sama kalau bukak Twitter & Facebook. Aku nak tengok berita-berita penting, dah terpaksa la scroll sekali topik ni, haih~ Kadang-kadang bila orang tanya 'malaysia ke mesir?', aku diam je, atau buat lawak bodoh 'aku pilih negara mula huruf M'. Keputusan ni lebih baik semat, diam dalam hati. Buat keputusan tu biarlah tak dipengaruhi siapa-siapa, atas rasional sendiri. Paling pendek akal pun fikir, 'yang jawab paper nanti aku, bukan orang lain'. Dah 21 tahun, dah...

14th sept, hari written exam Microbiology, aku memang tak faham kenapa universiti kat malaysia luas ya rabbi, sampai pukul 9, sejam sesat cari kat mana Kompleks Akademik E, dalam UPM! ko paham tak? sesat dalam UPM. Siap berlari dengan Qayyah dengan baju kurung nye, macam Running man dah. Lambat dalam 2-3 min, boleh la. Masuk dewan macam dalam keadaan baru kena kejar anjing. Berharap, dapat lepas naik tahun 4, ameen~ ok lari sikit dari tajuk, zati suruh aku suggest buku-buku best (hai zati, aku boleh sesat dalam uni ko, tau~) Yang ni cuma secara umum, kirenya buku-buku ni dalam kategori sekali-baca-konpem-tak-nak-lepas-dari-tangan Gittew~ Tapi ade sesetengah orang tak suka, ade yang suka, macam bese la. Aku bab mengutuk buku yang tak best pun no.1 jugak. Satu lagi perangai, kalau aku nak beli buku, aku akan research dulu, and tengok review dengan ranking bagai sebab....sebab aku faham, buku ni ade yang mahal. Dan aku memang jarang baca buku melayu...sebab...ok. stop ana. Stop...

I found this! and as if she is writing about me! *floating in the lalalaland* by the way, I have had a library card since i was six. Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve. Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow. She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of eng...

Drama. Tapi tak epic macam drama kat ONE HD dah lama tak tulis kat sini. Bukan malas, tapi taknak orang baca. taknak orang tau, taknak orang stalk. eceh bajet ade orang baca. Life has been hectic. kot Bermula dengan kisah sabun pencuci Sunlight, yang confirm pasni aku balik masuk tong sampah macam aku rejam bola bowling. Kejadah kau sabun aku plak kulit sensitif. Aku tak sangka plak jari-jari aku akan berair, bernanah, berdarah, bengkak...sampai la aku tak boleh makan sendiri, tak boleh buat ni, tak boleh buat tu, paling legend, tak boleh menulis. Ibu yang suap makan tau, aish~ pathetic sangat rasa. Jari ni buat semua orang aku tak kenal, termasuk cashier kedai tegur aku 'kenapa ni? kenapa tu?'  Sampai aku fikir, Nick Vujicic yang takde limbs tu pun lagi heaven dari aku. Gitteww~~ Boleh jadi perang dalaman, bayangkan aku ni dah la spesies yang kena menulis kalau study, tup tup jari pulak yang tak boleh menulis. Bayaaangkaaann seksa yang rasa macam nak baling buku 1...

Finally, baru tulis new post.. Salam~ Nak tulis pasal adik, tapi tak tertulis-tulis. CONGRATULATIONS TO MY SISTER!! Selamat menempuhi fasa baru di Food Institute of Malaysia. Balik rumah nanti sila kebaboomm kan dapur rumah, masak sedap-sedap, kakak order je eh. Oh, she's been cooking since sek. rendah, siap ade buku resepi sendiri, haaa~ sekarang ko masak la puas-puas sepanjang hidup. Ayat pertama yang keluar dari mulut bila dia cakap akan melanjutkan pelajaran, 'Alaaa, angah. Nanti siapa nak masak?', sebab muka aku memang muka blacklist dalam dapur. Bila teman angah daftar, terfikir. Ya Allah, sedapnya belajar dikelilingi makanan. Uniform pun lawa. Dapat penasihat Masterchef plak tu. Belajar masak ketung ketang ketung ketang, lebih makanan, bawak balik. The End. Masuk topik baru.                                   **************************************** Result dah keluar.Unfortunately, ke...

that moment when you got that look. yup! that look. you know you were judged. you know there is something that people don't like in you. may be my refusal or  in any particular thing? I don't know. could be my personal life? i don't know. Really. May be because i troublesome other people. I don't know. But among of those reasons. there must be something. or may be one of them is true. senyap. senyap. that's the key. and doa. doa dalam hati. try to do your best. your best that could please other people. well, may be that could be counted as an effort. I am surrounded by people struggling to be a better person. Well, that's what people do. That is a part of life.  Sometimes, I choose to observe people, -action-, asking for opinions,  listen to what they say -words-. sometimes I eavesdropping. Ops. This is the truth, of which few people would argue or deny. Dah buat kajian. dapat lah hasilnya. Contradict to what our Prophet told us to do. Why are you ...

Salam pasca-pathology. Tak 100% pasca sebab ada oral, tapi boleh la. Exam on, kelas piano pun off. Bukan setakat kelas piano, exam Trinity aku pun off, patutnya hujung bulan ni dah boleh ambik. Theory dah prepare Practical dah practise For the supporting tests, my piano teacher said i can take sight reading, sebab aku cepat catch up new music notes. Aku cuma ikut apa yang dia recommend je, sebab aku sendiri pun tak nampak aku cepat catch up. Semuanya off bermula dari 1) cikgu piano terlibat dalam International Jazz Festival 2) orang yang uruskan kelas piano tu sekarang kat UK. 3) tight schedule. Ni la problem nya kalau cikgu piano, golongan professional. anak murid, medical student. 3) final exam. final exam. final exam. Second thing, tak dapat buat umrah sebab............... . . . . . Takde mahram. Sorang mahram (ayah) kat Malaysia yang sekarang outstation bagai. sorang lagi (ehem) tak muncul-muncul lagi. Kenapa mesti tahun ni nak buat peraturan baru waha...

salam blackout. LOL! No no. this post tak berkaitan dengan politik. cuma nak quote dari buku Yasmin Mogahed because I once mentioned this during SC a.k.a usrah. 'As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me, I couldn't let go of something. People, places, events, moments--even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn't work out the way i wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappoinment for me wasn't an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again. 'However the problem wasn't with the vase, or even the vase kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables' Kalau timbul soalan, siapa tempat kita luah masalah, yang selalu support kita? Parents? Best friend? Now imagine, those people takde at...

People are often unreasonable, Illogical and self-centered, Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you, Of selfish, ulterior motives, Be kind anyway. If you are successful, You will win some false friends, and Some true enemies, Success anyway. If you are honest and frank People may cheat you, Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, Someone could destroy overnight, Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous Be happy anyway. Give the world the best you have, And it may never be enough Give the world the best, You've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It is between you and God It is never between you and them anyway. credits to dinding bilik Tasneem.

When things go wrong,     as they sometimes will, when the roads you're trudging    seems all uphill when the funds are low    and the debts are high.. and you want to smile,    but you have to sigh when care is pressing you down a bit,    rest if you must but DON'T YOU QUIT! Success is failure turned inside out   that silver tint is the clouds of doubts and you can never tell how close you are   it might be near when it seems afar so STICK TO THE FIGHT...     when you're hardest hit it's when things seems worst THAT YOU MUST NOT QUIT!!! Often the strugglers has given up when he might have captured the victors cup! so DON'T GIVE UP! Bila ada masalah berat, dasyat, rumit, annoying, kita pilih untuk berkabung duduk dalam bilik memandang luar tingkap sambil ade lagu latar belakang macam dalam movie. Kita ingatkan kita akan ok lepastu, ye la dalam movie Tangled ade laki h...

Salam terutama kepada pengkritik tetap tulisan aku, muna & shidot. Suatu hari, Muna jeling tajam semasa aku tengah tulis nota. Lecturer kat depan, aku teruskan menulis, buat-buat khusyuk sebab boleh agak Muna nak cakap apa. Akhirnya dia bersuara......-kan aku dah cakap-. Muna: Ana belajar tulisan sanskrit kat mana? Rasa nak terjelopok jatuh tergolek biler dengar. Fine muna fine! Me: Ada la belajar kat kuil mane ntah aritu, nak kite ajarkan ke? Boleh je. Muna: Takpe la ana, takut tak bersambung sanad nanti. Tiba giliran shidot, Shidot: Ana, ni kalau Dr panggil ko semula, sebab tulisan ko buruk sangat ko nak jawab ape? Aku rasa aku nak jawab, 'Doctor, I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own Font' That's how I define self-confidence.

Salam~ Tengah malam, makan red velvet cupcake selepas buat revision harini.. dan sambil tengok youtube. Multi-tasking~ Sebenarnya benda ni dah terfikir lama, dan berlaku lagi kelmarin.... Pernah tak berada dalam situasi kita rasa kita dah betul, tapi orang lain anggap kita salah. Dan kita start doubt kita ni sebenarnya betul ke salah? Dan adakah salah untuk berada dalam kedudukan 'salah' tu? ataupun ke sebenarna kita memang betul? haaa~ hambik kau, lembut lidah. cuba sebut laju-laju. there was a situation semasa Family Outing, ada sukaneka and horse riding. Dalam kedudukan umum, di mana semua orang ada. Aku duduk dengan mood frust, siot tul kuda tu tak lari, at least laju la skit .Datang seorang musyrif, boleh kira kawan laki dalam batch yang sama la kan. Dia tanya apa sebenarnya akhawat tengah buat kat bahagian padang lagi sebelah tu. Pelik bebenor kot tengok kita main pistol air warna hijau (mainan sebenarnya Running Man la kan), then I explained bout the game dan dia...

Salam Bila dah sampai Cairo, tinggal cuti 4 hari (esok start sem baru). I did what I love, pagi - have my coffee and cookies, sambil baca buku. practise piano, biler dah bosan skit tengok movie, tapi end up rasa bosan gler. Bukan jenis orang yang suka tengok movies, but when I did, maknanya masa tu memang bosan gler tahap langit petala ke-lapan. Satu lagi bad habit, baca banyak buku dalam satu masa. Nampak tak ke-tidak-istiqamah-an di situ. Selang setengah jam tukar buku lain, dapat rasa boring di situ ye. Those books dalam gambar tu, ada yang beli kat bookfair Cairo, ada yang beli kat MPH. Buku Last Lecture sebenarnya dah baca tapi tu orang lain punyer, it's quite expensive, 70 L.E. sekali kat bookfair cairo, 15 L.E, rembat la apa lagi. Sophie Kinsella is my favourite author, buku dia akan buat kita gelak dan jalan ceritanya akan buat kita attach dengan buku tu untuk tau ending, I can assure you it's not lovey dovey. Buku 'Can you keep a secret', tu hadiah d...

Salam~ almost 1 a.m , plan nak habiskan baca buku malam ni tapi takpe kot. Ade banyak benda nak buat esok! Waktu bermusafir sebelum sampai malaysia, berdoa banyak-banyak. Harapkan 2 minggu yang betul-betul berkualiti. and......JJANG! Alhamdulillah~ that's why balik lusa pun tak rasa sangat, sebab Allah dah makbulkan doa. Family comes first! that's my principle and of course family guy is my type! ops! Aiman lukiskan gambar potret untuk aku..8th wonder of the world! Adik lelaki yang sebelum ni bukan main liat lagi nak tolong lukiskan, bukan setakat tu, siap mintak lagi kasut, baju, blablabla..(atas alasan gambar Picasso berjuta-juta, bagi butt hurt kang) 1st week ayah cuti. Macam magik je bila ayah bercuti dan mesti lah suka! =D Sebab ayah jarang berehat, dan selalunya ayah pakai pain relieving plaster, lepastu sambil urut ayah sambil membebel. Bila dah belajar Anatomy, you know what will happen if certain part is affected. and just now, Ibu mengadu batuk kering, aku s...

Salam... it's almost 2 a.m eh? dan masih tak ngantuk ni lah rasanya bila nikmat tidur ditarik~ well, this week I learnt new things. yang membuatkan moral value tu masuk disedut diserap macam sponge, 'Patience'. it started from the silly music sheet. Macam biasa, macam mana kita main piano melambangkan expression kte waktu tu. Cikgu piano detect aku main nampak macam terpaksa. dan asyik nak rush je, macam nak habiskan cepat, impatience. 'Behind every music sheet, there is a composer. You need to respect the composer' 'You need to dig out the spirit, you need to be groovy' *betul eh, perkataan tu? groovy?* oh, tolong jangan bayangkan music sheet tu adalah classical music yang hebat-hebat tu, dan komposernya 'Chopin', 'Beethoven' atau adik-beradiknya. Nope, music sheet tu SANGAT senang, and that's why I call it 'silly'. So, mood nak main tu totally switch off, I don't know what the composer wants, and not even try to ...

Salam.. Benda ni dah lama dah, cuma baru je nak share. Dalam satu bab Pathology, Viral Infection. Salah satunya Acquired Immunodefficiency Syndrome (AIDS), tiba-tiba jadi satu topik dalam TL. lulls. tapi ni dah lama laa, zaman penyeksaan study leave untuk Patho. One of the modes of transmission is sexual transmission, 70% involving homosexual or bisexual males. Suddenly it became a topic in twitter~ macam Dr Faisal kate, takde perkara di dunia ni berlaku tanpa sebab~ It's true, if you learn Histology, Vagina is formed of stratified squamous cell and Anus is formed of stratified columnar cell. It isn't resistant to friction while stratified squamous is vice versa. Homosexuals do anal intercourse, pastu sambung sendiri la guna ayat Pijan kat atas..hehehe..                                                      LOL!  Guys.....memang la~ S...